Mongolian Vd

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not take any precautions. A week after arriving back home he awakens one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see his doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."

The man looks a little relieved and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up doc."

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure other than to amputate your penis."

The man screams in horror, "Oh no! I want a second opinion!"

The doctor replies, "Well it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."

The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can you do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American doctor! American doctor, always want to operate. Make more money, that way."

"Then there's no need to operate? Oh, thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes!" says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks, it fall off by itself!"

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:08:52 AM

Going To The Dentist

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?"

"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again." And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms.

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:08:27 AM

Weight Problem

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:08:08 AM

Bleeding For Hours

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up.

"Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours." she replied. "Do you think I might be a haemophiliac?"

"Well," the doctor answered, "Haemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a haemophiliac.

Tell me, how much to you lose when you have your period?"

After calculating for a moment, the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:07:50 AM

Phone Call At Night

It's two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello?... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and prompty slams the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"

The husband replies. "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:07:30 AM

Medical Test Mix Up

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.

"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:07:05 AM

Sex Pills

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex lately so the man went to a doctor and told him about thier problems and the doctor perscribed a pill for the man to take. The doctor warned thought that if the man took more than one pill the side effects could be damaging.

The man made sure to take only one pill and he had the best sex of his life! He went back to the doctor and told him the good news. The doctor said that it was great but warned to take only one pill. He started to worry after a week and a half had gone by and he hadn't heard from the man so he decided to go and make a house call.

When he got to the house he saw the man's son on the front porch and noticed he was crying. The doctor asked why he was crying and the boy replied, "Mommy is dead, my sister is pregnant, my butt hurts, and daddy is running aroung the house calling, here kitty, kitty, kitty!"

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:06:43 AM

Doctor's Room

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room.

But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there."

"No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to the poisons."

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:06:19 AM

Vulgarity

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said.

"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or whatever."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my 'ear'," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it." the man replied.

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:06:01 AM

Calories

A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and asked several questions about dieting, excersize, and other things. Her final question to the dietician sparked interest in him. She asked,"How many calories are in sperm?"

"Why?" he replied. She explained some of the things she liked to do.

After thinking a minute he said,"I really have no clue, but if you are consuming that much of it then no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!"

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Date added: 08 / 13 / 2008 , 11:05:44 AM